Lori Calabrese, MD

Tag: attitude of gratitude

  • Fuel Hope With Gratefulness All Year Round

    Fuel Hope With Gratefulness All Year Round

    Fuel hope with gratefulness this season.

    Surprising Results Can Follow Counterintuitive Choices

    Thank you.

    Such sweet words.

    Here in the US, we’re just ending a four-day celebration we call Thanksgiving weekend. True, the official day for Thanksgiving is the fourth Thursday of November each year — but it’s also true that most families spend the entire four day weekend continuing to celebrate, spend time together, and enjoy this holiday set aside for gratefulness.

    Plus, you probably know that “the holidays,” starting with Thanksgiving and lasting through New Year’s Day, is a difficult time for some people. Yet many others actually enjoy all the festivities, sharing, eating, and laughing that goes with good times together.

    Whether you’re a celebrator or an abstainer from these gatherings, there are some things we can talk about to improve these days for the grievers, and improve sensitivity for the revelers.

    Thanksgiving was first conceived by the Pilgrims after their original successful harvest in the New World. 

    That doesn’t mean it was their first harvest, but rather the first time it was successful and there was food to eat. There’s nothing like starvation to inspire gratitude for food.

    They called it their harvest festival. 

    George Washington made a proclamation that Thanksgiving should be celebrated in 1789, and it was sporadically celebrated. However, Thomas Jefferson chose not to celebrate the observance, so the day of gratefulness tended to be hit and miss until 1863. 

    In the midst of the Civil war, Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving be observed as a federal holiday on the fourth Thursday of November … and that has continued to this day.

    Fuel hope with gratefulness for family.

    It might strike you as odd that President Lincoln started a federal holiday observation when the country was at war with itself, when families were torn apart by sons, fathers, and grandfathers marching off to to battle…

    Homes and farms were burned. Families were seeing more funerals than birthdays. 

    Does that sound like a time to be thankful…?

    Can you imagine the uproar? 

    “Have you heard what he’s done now???  He’s declared thankfulness as a national holiday, of all things!!”

    “I’m not surprised…after all, seeing as how we do have SO MUCH to be thankful for right now… I’m so sick of  this war and this administration!  I’ve lost my farm!  How will I feed my family?!!

    …and on and on it might have gone.

    Doesn’t sound all that different from what we hear today, does it?

    Counterintuitive Declaration in the Middle of the Chaos

    Is it possible he had a higher purpose than just creating confusion in the midst of the terrible war?

    We do know that he had an abiding faith. He seemed to understand that choosing thankfulness can inspire better decisions and better outcomes. Thinking of others inspires generosity…and his nation needed generous hearts from top to bottom if it were to heal.

    Some of the most liberating principles of life have been around for hundreds of years and dozens of generations. And sometimes they’re hard to grasp because they’re locked in counterintuitive thinking.

    Oprah Winfrey put it this way:

    “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” — Oprah Winfrey

    And therein lies the secret. The secret of justice and unity that President Lincoln reached for, the secret of poverty vs. abundance that Oprah warned about, the benefit that we all receive when we take the time to focus on everything and everyone in our life that’s good.

    The Secret of Gratefulness.

    “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” –Albert Schweitzer

    Albert Schweitzer may not be a familiar name to anyone under the age of 50. But, he won a Nobel Peace Prize in 1952 for his extensive work in Africa in an area now known as Gabon, near the Republic of the Congo.

    He had studied extensively in theology and medicine, and as a newlywed set out with his bride to live in this place where sickness and suffering were crushing the people. Over the course of his life he built an enormous hospital complex to treat the thousands who came to him for help.

    He wasn’t perfect — and even embraced perspectives that would offend us now in our modern culture — but he gave what he had from who he was and helped make life better for thousands. 

    It’s no mystery why he might have felt his “light go out” from time to time. His work was demanding and unrelenting in a place where hardships abounded.

    But he understood gratitude.

    Do you ever feel as though your light is going out…and you need it rekindled? Me, too. In fact, most of us can say that words of encouragement spoken at the right time can help to turn us around.

    Beloved 20th Century Actress Doris Day has seen it all.  She knows the value in that counterintuitive assertion of gratefulness. In her own words:

    “Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.”

    Fuel hope with gratefulness.

    On her way to becoming a dance star, her car collided with a train. Her injuries took a serious toll that permanently ended her dancing career. But, rather than give up, she turned to singing under the training of a voice coach. She soon made movies that were wildly popular in the mid 1900’s … and her fans assumed her life was perfect.

    But behind the sweetheart-girl-next-door image she presented to the public… was a victim  of domestic abuse, a history of 4 marriages, the widow of the only man she loved, loss of her fortune, and complete exhaustion.

    But she, too, understands gratitude in the face of adversity.

    As humans we may envy what another has that we don’t. Wealth, charm, health, fame…but focusing on what we don’t have does nothing to improve our situation.

    Turning a laser beam of attention on our envy of another person only fuels a raging fire of jealousy inside us. And we grow more bitter and focused inward. It isolates us and doesn’t improve anything.

    On the other hand, being grateful for the gifts, the benefits, the talents we do have, empowers us to make those gift, talents, and benefits bigger, brighter, and more abundant.

    Helen Keller said that she cried that she had no shoes, until she met a man who had no feet.

    Helen Keller, if you’re not familiar with her, was blind, deaf, and mute… so you can see her metaphor about the lack of shoes…

    “Necessity is the mother of invention,” they say. So her gratitude for having feet led her to find ways to serve mankind, and especially others who were blind, deaf, or mute… or all three.

    Miss Keller knew there was no place in her life for self pity.

    She came to understand gratitude at a young age.

    During World War II, as able-bodied men went to war, and women and children were left behind, women who’d never considered such a thing went to work for wages.  It was a time of hardship. But, rather than complain, these women put on their work shoes and headed for the factories. 

    Many of us had grandmothers and great grandmothers who worked in the factories to make bombs, aircraft, trucks, and other tools needed to fight the war.

    Fuel hope with gratefulness.

    Is it any wonder that gratefulness and the can-do attitude that was required to rise above those difficulties led to a song in the last year of the war that strengthened that frame of mind? :

    You have to accentuate the positive, 

    Eliminate the negative, 

    And latch on to the affirmative, 

    But don’t mess with Mr. In-Between.

    Comical?  Maybe so…but you get the message.

    Like we saw with the man with no shoes, there is always something to be grateful for. And gratitude has a way of propelling you above the circumstances you wish would change, so you can see the bigger picture. 

    Gratefulness transforms your perspective.

    And when that happens, you’re no longer a victim, but rather on top of your circumstances. The circumstance may not change the way you want it to, but your improved outlook can give you power over it.

    No one is without flaws, and no one’s life is perfect. But each of us can contribute to the lives of others in some way, and in the process gain the freedom to overcome our own struggles on some level.

    Psychiatric disorders can render you emotionally paralyzed… trapped inside inertia, fatigue, and despair. And as you know, there are other types of paralysis. If you’ve experienced this, you may be able to relate to Jon Morrow.

    Jon Morrow is a wildly successful blogger whose body is paralyzed by Spinal Muscular Dystrophy.  He can move nothing except his eyes and lips. Helpless?  Well, he was for awhile. But he has pushed through from a point of inertia and despair to doing what he could do…until he learned to drive traffic to his blogs and has achieved the status of the most widely read blogger in the world.

    He has generated more than 200 million views of his blogs and earned $50 million as a result.  

    A spoiled rich kid?  Not in the least. This guy was facing the end of his life because of his need for healthcare, and no money to pay for it.  His story is hugely inspiring. If he can accomplish his dreams…anyone can.

    And Jon understands gratefulness.

    Look for his blog Unstoppable.me. It will give you a shot in the arm to choose and express gratefulness and overcome adversity.

    Gratefulness is liberating, empowering, and humbling… all at the same time. 

    Fuel hope with gratefulness

    So now that the Thanksgiving 2018 holiday weekend is behind us…let’s not lose sight of the lessons we’ve learned together as we venture through the rest of the winter holiday season and into the new fledgling year 2019.

    With gratefulness you can turn on the light in someone in your world, and illuminate your own heart at the same time.

    Still, if you’re suffering under the weight of a psychiatric disorder that hasn’t yielded to any medicine you and your doctor have tried, there is something more you can do as you focus on gratitude in your life.

    Ketamine treatment is a series of IV infusions that have demonstrated in thousands of cases an extraordinary capacity for relieving depression and anxiety in the vast majority of those who have not been helped by anything else.

    From severe treatment-resistant depression, bipolar depression, and suicidal thinking, to social anxiety, PTSD, OCD, and addictions, ketamine has the remarkable ability to rebuild signaling structures and systems along with regulating a wide variety of puzzle pieces in the brain that make up the sense of wellbeing, joy, motivation, and initiative you long for.

    Fuel hope with gratefulness.

    At Innovative Psychiatry, we’re big believers in joy. Happiness. And gratitude. We offer help and we offer hope — with new treatments that can turn things around for you.

    Call us. We want you to experience relief and the ability to build a rewarding life you enjoy… and to revive and renew the relationships in your life that are important to you.

    With gratitude for the opportunity to share my thoughts with you this year, I want to wish you a warm and heartfelt joyous season of holidays. 

    To the renewal of your best self,

    Lori Calabrese, M.D.
    Lori Calabrese, MD offers innovative psychiatric treatment like IV Ketamine
  • Attitude of Gratitude: How to Rise Above Tragedy

    Attitude of Gratitude: How to Rise Above Tragedy

    Grateful woman with arms upraised, overcoming tragedy with attitude of gratitude

    WHAT DOES GRATITUDE HAVE TO DO WITH HAPPINESS?

    We’ve been talking about the science of happiness. The things researchers have been learning about what actually make us happy, as well as what doesn’t make us as happy as we think they will.

    The funny thing about happiness is that it’s sort of counter-intuitive. For instance, if we only think of ourselves and what we want, we begin to sink, and grow less and less happy.

    Even if we get EVERYTHING we want! The richest men in the history of humanity who were focused on accumulating for themselves and got everything they wanted…were usually miserable. The ancient king Nebuchadnezzar, for one. And Howard Hughes might be another example.

    SELFISHNESS HURTS

    Another dramatic example is King Solomon, who lived around 970 BC. He had it all…wealth, fame, and 700 wives. But… he was miserable. The more he gathered for himself, the more miserable he became. (Since building a healthy relationship with one spouse is pretty challenging already, it’s probably not that surprising he was overwhelmed and stressed out trying to do it with 700!)

    Solomon wrote three books in his lifetime, and the final one was about the misery of trying to make yourself happy by getting everything want.

    GIVING FREELY COMPOUNDS JOY

    On the other hand, men who used their wealth and power to improve the lives of people, and make the world a better place, have often been much happier. Men like John D. Rockefeller, who began giving 6% of his paycheck to charity at the age of 16, and lived his life not only building his wealth, but also perfecting systems of giving his money away to improve the lives of others. He has often been called the wealthiest man in the world, but he was also one of the most generous. John enjoyed his wife and family–a strong pillar of happiness.

    But then there was also his contemporary, Andrew Carnegie, who may really have been the wealthiest with the equivalent of $374 billion. In addition to building his massive steel company, he spent the last 20 years of his life traveling to see friends, and helping others. Mr. Carnegie enjoyed his visits with friends like Mark Twain, Teddy Roosevelt, and so many others. He had humility, and valued his friendships.

    These are just two examples of generous wealthy men who found happiness in giving and valuing their relationships. But it’s not hard to think of more from early times to the present. Genghis Kahn for instance (huge surprise!) and of course Bill Gates, among a host of others.

    GENEROSITY AND AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

    The fact stands that it’s not wealth that brings happiness, but generosity, strong relationships, and a passion for something.

    So…we talked about in our post last week about the science of happiness, we learned that it isn’t getting that brings us joy, but giving. Not taking advantage of someone else to our own ends, but serving and caring for the welfare of others.

    A huge study that included 200,000 people in 136 countries found that being generous had a positive effect on a person’s happiness in 93% of the countries involved. Another study conducted at Notre Dame found that the more people gave of themselves and their money, the happier they were.

    As humans, we need to have something bigger than ourselves to live for.

    We humans actually like to sacrifice for the good of others. How’s that for a surprise…?!

    Another pretty important factor is having an attitude of gratitude.  Rather than taking credit for everything we accomplish, and for all the good in our lives, we’re happier putting humility to work and expressing our gratefulness for the good in our lives and the potential for good even in the toughest situations. 

    Is that because we know we don’t have power to control everything?

    [Because if we think we can, the burden of controlling all things in the world around us to ensure safety, prosperity, friendship, and happiness, is a big truckload to pull around…but let’s save that for a future post.]

    SILVER LININGS

    The beauty of gratitude is that it acknowledges we can’t do it all ourselves. It also says that there’s good to be found in every circumstance of life, no matter what it is. By choosing to be grateful in a difficult circumstance, we open the door to solutions.

    There’s a man who is a world-class expert at finding silver linings. An expert at choosing gratitude.

    His name is Jon Morrow, and if you haven’t learned about him or met him up till now, you may want to connect with him before you forget.

    Jon was born with muscular dystrophy, and is unable to move anything but his lips and his eyes.

    Yes, he’s paralyzed. He can’t move any other part of his body. But he’s not numb. He feels pain just like you do. In fact, pain and struggle is part of every single day of his life.

    And yet, you know what? He’s developed, through decades of suffering, an overcoming approach to every challenge. He looks for the silver lining no matter how bad the circumstances, and he always determines to turn every difficulty into something in his favor.

    GRATITUDE EXPERT

    He’s grateful. Grateful for his life. He admits it’s not been an easy way to live, but he also knows if it had all been easy for him, he might have done nothing with his life.Person holds a beautiful flower in both palms showing that even in darkness gratitude for beauty brings happiness

    Ten years ago he was in poverty, in a hospital bed, and completely dependent on Medicaid to support him and his $120,000/year medical bills. He felt trapped. If he earned more than $700/month, Medicaid would drop him. So he couldn’t build a business…because he needed medical care.

    Jon hadn’t found his flow. Remember how in our science of happiness post we talked about how finding your flow motivates you to live with passion and purpose?  Jon hadn’t found his yet…he felt pretty much stuck.

    But, since the rules of Medicaid had him stuck, he set out to change the rules. It took courage, but the flow was beginning to trickle. He invested two years of his life writing for a successful online publication for free, because he couldn’t make more than $700/month anyway. 

    PUT GRATITUDE ON THE OTHER FOOT

    He told the publisher there was one stipulation…he’d write for them awhile for no pay, but eventually there would come a time he’d need some favors in return.

    Now, Jon is a guy who was accepted into MIT…but he couldn’t afford to go. Jon is no slouch, in fact, he’s a pretty sharp guy. So his writing was received with enthusiasm by this organization. This continued until 2 years later, when he was ready to take the next step.

    He told them it was time, and he needed some favors. He needed to move to Mexico where medical care costs far less. (That $120,000 bill per year in the US only cost $18,000 in Mexico!)

    He told them he needed to start a consulting business and asked for help reaching some people through their mailing list to market his services.

    They happily agreed, and in 30 days, this guy had a full-time consulting business that supported him with $10,000 per month. Now, ten years later, he’s a millionaire, and he can live wherever he wants to.

    Now, let’s talk about what makes happiness in light of Jon’s story.

    It’s human nature to feel sorry for ourselves when things don’t go well. We all know that. But Jon Morrow will quickly tell you he may be tempted to feel sorry for himself…but he can’t afford a single second of it without being defeated.

    JON MORROW’S ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

    To overcome whatever he’s faced with, he looks for a way to find benefit in his circumstances – to seek out that silver lining – and he looks for ways to make it better than if it had never happened.

    If you’re angry, bitter, or tied in knots of self-pity, you can’t think that way. When all thoughts are turned inward, it’s tough…really tough…to get them turned outward again.

    And like we said before, happiness relies on counter-intuitive responses. Focusing on ourselves snuffs out the joy. But looking for ways to help others, well, that fills us with power.  And happiness.

    I encourage you to read more of Jon Morrow’s writings. He’s learned some profound lessons about happiness, success, and giving of himself through his 34 years of struggle. He’s started a new blog to give back by teaching the world these principles that have brought him so much richness in life.

    So learn from his story the lessons of gratitude and generosity, of finding your flow, and always finding a way to turn every negative circumstance to your favor. When you do, your garden of happiness will be fertilized, nourished, and will grow so full you’ll have to give some of it away.

    And…if your own struggle makes happiness seem beyond reach, schedule an appointment to see if you’re a candidate for innovative psychiatric treatments like  IV ketamine therapy or transcranial magnetic stimulation. We’ll learn so much after a comprehensive evaluation.

    We’re here to help you live a more fulfilling and rewarding life, and look forward to hearing from you.

    To your increasing happiness within your best self,

    Dr. Lori Calabrese, MD

    Lori Calabrese, MD offers innovative psychiatric treatment

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